Sammy has arrived home safely :))

Saturday was quite a day it was for him and me... but we arrived home safely early Sunday morning...
He is still getting used to us, to the house, the noises, but he is fine and now that he is here, I feel so much better... More soon, I'm off to the hospital all morning... Laters !

One night in Paris.....

picture by me

Here I am, back in Paris...

It's been a while since I've been there... last time I came was last February with my daughter when we spent a few days visiting the Louvre and seesighting in Paris... Eiffel Tower, Montmartre etc... We had such a great time, lots of laughs then :))

Paris is such a beautiful city...
I used to live there... well I grew up there... went to school, high school and college there... got my first jobs there... some of my best friends still live there... but honestly, I wouldn't trade my life in my little village on top of a hill for one in Paris now...

I left my little village in the middle of nowhere this morning around 10am. I arrived here at past 4pm... It took me forever to drive the last 10 miles to get to the hotel here in Paris... the noise, the zillions cars, the zillion people everywhere, the buildings, the stress, the pollution... Oh boy I don't miss all that AT ALL.

Paris is a great city for entertainment, seesighting and going out almost every hour of day or night though... but living here, I'm not sure I would enjoy it very much anymore.

Anyway, I enjoy having some time to myself. It's great to be on the road, music very loud in the car and me singing at the wheel, wow, that was fun. It's been a while since I've had a few days on my own and I am glad to be on that trip. It's nice.

My daughter is very excited to be spending time with her girlfriends this weekend and she is happy to have time by herself and let's say it, she's happy I am not THERE ! Freeeeeedom to go wild with her friends. LOL

I always find that when we spend a couple of days apart it actually helps our mum-teenage daughter relationship. Because she needs that I trust her and she knows I am happy to be on my own and she is happy to get the chance to be on her own and take care of herself all by herself...

Wow she is growing up so fast !!! Soon she's gonna be a grown woman and she's gonna get her independence... I can't believe how fast time flies..... and all I've been these last 15 years is a mum... I've forgotten to be just myself... I really need to get back in touch with... the woman in me !!!

I SO need to get a LIFE. A nice network of friends to go out with, a boyfriend maybe... and I have so many things I wanna do... I have plans to move South, lots of travel plans too, many meetings with my too far away friends from all over the world... there is so much I wanna do, so many beautiful things to look forward to !!!

Anyway, I'm leaving for Bordeaux tomorrow morning, I'm gonna meet my new puppy Sammy for the first time... and I can't believe how exciting it is to finally get a new companion to share adventures with...

I still miss my litlle Buddy every single day and my heart still aches when I think about him... I love him so much eventhough he's been gone for almost 2 months now... but I need to move on... try to be happy again... Sammy feels like a second chance, let's hope for the BEST :))

More soon ! :)

On Being a Loner...

Image from HarmanVisions

The Week Of the Loner - Pisces 2 - March 3-10

You live in a private world all your own.
Your home is a retreat from the world, where you admit very few.... You tend to isolate yourself more than what is good for you.
You have a distinct dislike for superficiality; you mistrust loud, aggressive or pushy people and find it hard to work with people who lack sensitivity.
Grace, honesty and an unassailable aesthetic and moral code prevent you from acting underhandedly or particularly hurtful. You have elegance and grace in all that you do, you are a great admirer of sensuous beauty, particularly in people and paintings and you give your home a special touch.
You have a strong soulful side and have empathy for all forms of human suffering.
You see a distinct difference between being lonely (which you rarely are) and being alone (which you are often)
You can become addicted easily to drugs, drink, sex. You crave peak experiences.
You ask only to be accepted as you really are.
You have few friends that you are close and loyal to.
You can be snagged by a pretty face, sensuous voice or alluring body. Once attached to someone it becomes an addiction and when you decide to be free of your love object you experience powerful separation anxiety.
Strengths: Soulful – Intimate – Graceful
Weaknesses: Reclusive – Disappointed – Suffering .

Counting the days...

My beloved Buddy has died a month and a half ago... I'm still mourning and I'm still missing him like hell... the house is so empty without him... My mum got him for me on my 40th birthday, just as I was getting ready for the hysterectomy that has saved my life...

Buddy was very sick when we got him and he almost died... I took care of him like a baby and he was so sweet and loving and he was such a happy pup... he brought so much joy into my life and more... I'm gonna miss him forever... he was my baby and my companion... I loved him so much...







We spent wonderful holidays in the South of France this summer and he died just the day after we got back at the hand of a reckless driver as we were taking pictures in the fields behind the house...

Since then, it's been hell for me... I can't seem to recover... so I talked to my friends and they encouraged me to get a new puppy... with my daughter we actually decided to adopt 2 puppies but after a while I decided that one would be enough for now... we decided to get a mini australian shepherd (which is quite hard to find in France) and I was lucky enough to find one available from a breeder in Bordeaux... so Sammy will arrive home over the weekend...



I'm gonna fetch him at the breeder's this Saturday... I can't wait and I am counting the days...

I know he will never replace Buddy and I know I will still miss Buddy all my life... but I am happy to have Sammy joining our family soon... the house won't be so quiet anymore and I am sure he will fill the void I feel... plus it's gonna be so much fun to have a new companion again... I just can't wait !!!

Life's a Journey

Such a long time since I wrote anything here... My life has changed so much over the past years, it's still very hard to sum up everything and also very hard find my way... but I'm trying...

When I look back on these past few months, it's been hell really... they say every cloud has its silver lining, but I don't know... I'm still looking for it...

I have many questions about who I am, what I wanna do, where to go next... I have lots of opportunities ahead, I just don't know which way to turn...

Well, I survived some other ordeals this year... Uterine sarcoma is one of them... the death of my beloved pet Buddy is another one... many times I wanted to let go and die... but I'm still here... I have to make peace with many things and let go and move on... it's time I get myself a life.

Almost all the projects I had made have failed miserably so far... but I'm trying not to focus on that... I just have to make new projects... whether they happen or not is not what matters... the matter is to keep trying, right ?

And something I know above all, I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through all those ordeals that life has thrown at me... and I really like who I am... I like my values and my friends and the relationships I have with my wonderful daughter and the other VIP of my life... so I have plenty to be grateful and happy about... and I wanna be happy always.

One thing I read on my friend John's profile is "Lifes a Journey not a Destination" ...
I think I'll meditate again on that on and keep that in mind to keep going !

Personal Coaching

You know how some days are really hard on your body and
your soul and you just want the day to be over already ???!

This was one of those days and this is what I heard :

"Even when you smile at me and say nothing,
I can see you're in so much pain,
But you just keep trying and trying,
and you keep fighting and fighting,
and no matter how hard it gets,
you never give up and you always do your best.
I admire you so much for that."

~My daughter.

Need a personal coach anyone ?
She's the BEST !

Loneliness

Picture and poem by me...
Sept 22th 2006

Loneliness
Empty void
Heart Aching
Nobody's here

Loneliness
Choice of Life
Darkness welcome
But emptiness

Loneliness
You were here
Now you are gone
I miss you

Loneliness
Too much to bear...
Say you love me
and I'll be there.